Change can come at any time in our lives. Most of us thrive on change. It brings on personal growth and happiness. But, what happens when change is out of our control and causes stress and depression? Three examples of this are a sudden death of a dear friend or loved one, getting laid off or fired from your job, or losing large amounts of your pension or savings due to the stock market situation or bad management of the bank that you had trust in.

All three examples can bring on panic, anger, and depression. . They can change your outlook on life, or cause you to become bitter and stagnant. I have created several ways to overcome these difficult, “out of your control “situations and bring balance back into your life.

Number 1. Focus on the positive that will come from any transition. I know you are saying, “How is this possible when I have lost my job, loved one or most of my savings”.

Say to yourself: This new situation might lead me to meet new people, start a wonderful new career, or develop better ways to handle my money.

I will gain stronger faith within myself, believe in myself more.

I will use my skills to create foundations to help honor the ones I love, organize fundraisers to inform people about my situation, or support the family who has lost someone they treasured. I will join a support group to gain insight on how other people handle the same situation I am in, because sometimes people cannot go through difficult times without outside support.

Number 2. How you process this “change”, is the key to your success and can be a new foundation for personal growth.

Think about these statements:

What you think about change, will have a direct effect on how easy or hard you find this process.

If you think change, no matter how difficult it seems to be, is there to teach you something, it makes you a better person, not only by helping you be aware of your options but preparing you to set goals towards changing your attitude, which points you in a positive direction. Remember, positive thinking makes everything less daunting.

Last but not least, what you say to yourself and others can change not only your self esteem and confidence, but also those people who you surround yourself with.

Number 3.Get Unstuck

Please don’t get caught up in the PAST.

The “what if’s”,” How could they,” How could my mother, husband, best friend, die on me and leave me all alone… How dare they! Where does the company I invested 25 years in, get off on firing me or laying me off without notice. All these statements keep you in a negative cycle. It limits your ability to move forward. Trust me, if you don’t think you are angry, it will surely show in your next job interview, which will keep you from being hired.

Ask yourself these two questions:

Where are you now, and where do you want to go?

These questions alert you to tell if you are off course, and can make you focus on what is really limiting you and gets you to start moving forward.

Number 4. Get a Support Team

Like I mentioned before. When we go through unexpected, sudden change, no one can do this alone. We all need people around us for guidance. Pick people who match your value system, who can listen and understand your sorrow and points of view. Family, friends, therapists, coaches, co-workers, religious leaders, are good choices. Make sure they are always non- judgmental.

Number 5. Watch your bad or negative thoughts

Example of negative thoughts include, fear, doubt, impatience, shame, blame, guilt. All of these emotions can make you weak. They destroy your self esteem and diminish your hope. They remind you how you DON’T want to feel. So when those dark moods and attitudes move into your mind, remember this. They are only temporary. They encourage you to make better choices, by replacing them with lighter, brighter emotions such as, faith, compassion, endurance, honesty, patience, and understanding.

Number 6. Spiritual Strength

This can come in several ways by remaining calm, centered, spiritually aware, and loving your higher self.

This uses your intuition as a guide, processing it in a healthier way. Try prayer, meditation, walking in nature, silence, journaling and engrossing yourself in a hobby that gives you pleasure. These are wonderful ways to help you cope in a healthier way.

What it boils down to is that every human has the will to survive, to get better, and to be happier. It helps to accept the reality of your situation, and to find your center again. We tend to cling to the “what was”, but by accepting this unwelcome change, without fighting, anger, and blame, we open an optimistic view , which allows us to focus on the future and let go of the past.